Legend has it that if a woman gives up the goods on the first night she has eliminated herself from the potential of anything serious, do you agree? The short response to this myth is “maybe” however the real question is much more complex. Quite frankly it depends on the man, the situation and believe it or not, the woman and her feelings towards what transpired.
Women encompass so many roles within themselves and the lines of those roles can often be blurry. How do we maintain our focus and goals on who we want to be in this so called Man's World?
As mothers, daughters, wives, sisters and "sisterfriends" we often become the glue that holds it all together. How as women do we take our roles to a place where we don't lose who we are in that position or stifle ourselves; enriching all our relationships and not the relationship we have within.
There may be some terrible news to report out of Florida today, depending on how the state's residents have collectively decided to apply the basic science of biological classification to their lives. Last week, we noted some good news: The Florida legislature had finally passed a law that would outlaw bestiality and preserve the innocence of Florida's native fauna.
An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.
So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.”
(As it happens, I already check with my veterinarian and local livestock breeder prior to intercourse, but my therapist tells me that this is a "fetish" that he'd like me to consider discontinuing.)
Multi-platinum artist Alicia Keys has opened up about her scandalised love life for the new issue of Essence magazine in the US.
After being branded a 'home wrecker' by some media and bloggers Alicia is maintaining that she did nothing wrong and that her husband, Swizz Beatz, was completely separated from his ex-wife before they got together.
'We didn't start seeing each other until months after they had separated,' she said.
'I was aware of all the false things that were being said about me it definitely hurt,' added the 30-year-old.
Alicia married Swizz, real name Kasseem Dean, in July last year in Corsica while she was six months pregnant with his child.
Swizz, a music producer, was previously married to the No Panties R&B singer Mashonda Tifrere, 33, whom he has a son with.
The union between Alicia and Swizz exploded in the media when Tifrere posted a letter online saying that Alicia had 'assisted in destroying a family,' and did a series of 'tell-all' interviews.
Swizz and Tifrere's divorce was finalised in May 2010 and Alicia and Swizz announced engagement less than a month later. Bloggers went wild, accusing Alicia of being a home-wrecker and calling her names.
She remained tight-lipped throughout the episode.
'I was sure that if I engaged it would become back-and-forth like some sick entertainment, which goes against everything I believe and would have made things worse,' said Alicia.
After months of aggravation Alicia remained silent but now, she says, she is finally at peace with Tifrere, who recently posted thanks for her 'beautiful blended family' and accepted Alicia as a 'partner' in caring for her son.
Things are really good now,' said Alicia who also revealed that her love with Dean is 'intoxicating and whole'.
Swizz has another child with British singer Jahna Sebastian, who was conceived while he was still married to Tifrere.
'Kasseem is very present in his children's lives. I wouldn't be able to love him otherwise,' said the 14-time Grammy winner
'We are doing what is best for the children,' she added.
Often interview-shy Alicia also revealed that she has being living by advice from Oprah Winfrey for many years: 'She whispered in my ear and said "Keep some of you for you",' she recalled.
The musician, actress and mother launched her first album, Songs in A Minor, ten years ago - it sold twelve million copies.
Her son with Swizz, Egypt, was born in October. He is named after the African country because Alicia took a trip there to release the pressure and stress of her success.
Do you believe in finding true love online? Is finding your next husband or wife as easy as logging in? What is your opinion on Online Dating?
Most people prefer online dating to the bar scene because online dating offers a better chance of getting a first date. Post a reasonably attractive picture, sell your life's resume, and wait for the solicitations to pour in.
Losing friendships over love? Why? Do men and women handle friendships differently? Losing a friend can be worse than a break-up. So why does it keep happening to men and women?
There are many reasons why friendships die over love. The cases are all too familiar from the movie screen to our personal lives. And in all cases tough decisions have to be made. What do you value more...the friendship or relationship; Or does each have their place?
I got an email in April from a friend about an advanced screening of Jumping the Broom in Washington, D.C. that featured a Q&A session with mega-pastor, and co-producer, T.D. Jakes. I had class and wasn’t able to attend so I took my mother and aunt to see the film over Mother’s Day weekend instead. A few years ago I probably wouldn’t have even paid attention to the film, but writing for this site has made me more conscious of the ways in which African-American relationships are portrayed in the media.
While much of the movie centered on major themes such as class differences, family secrets, and the love lives of the supporting characters, I was more interested in the topics that weren’t major plot lines. This post is not a review of the movie (for the record, I loved it), but rather an opportunity to share a few of my main takeaways from the film that relate to real life relationship issues I believe are critically important, yet rarely discussed.
Be a bodyguard
One of the prevailing themes of the movie was the conflict between the groom’s mother (played by Loretta Devine) and wife-to-be (played by Paula Patton). While Devine’s character might have seemed extreme to some people, her behavior is often displayed by our family and friends in real life through disrespectful comments, a negative attitude towards our relationships, interfering in relationship issues, or even trying to orchestrate a breakup.
Relationships require a certain amount of protection, and while guarding against infidelity seems obvious, sometimes they also need to be shielded from loved ones. As the movie demonstrated, allowing hostility to fester puts a significant strain on a couple. At some point the person whose family or friends are involved in the conflict needs to have the courage to let them know that the relationship, particularly in the case of marriage, is a major priority and that their partner deserves to be respected. I put an extra emphasis on marital relationships because they are the only ones in which both participants take vows to publicly affirm their union. This level of unity will inevitably require each person to play the role of relationship protector and bodyguard at times.
Another subplot in the movie was family finances. Without giving away too much, I’ll just say that money issues were serious enough to push the bride’s parents to the brink of divorce. I think it’s safe to say that most people recognize how damaging poor money management skills can be to a relationship, so I’ll put that issue to the side for now.
A good friend pointed out an even more compelling theme, however, when she gave me her review of the film. She was struck by the total lack of accountability on behalf of the bride’s father with regard to his financial dealings. Of all the attributes I’ve heard people list about their ideal relationship, rarely have I heard accountability and transparency listed among the top 10.
Keeping secrets leads to deception and dishonesty, whether the issue is a bad investment or the secret “work spouse” who seems to know you more intimately than your actual spouse. The reason we are not more transparent is because we fear accountability. Exposing our character failings and major mistakes generally evokes feelings of embarrassment and shame. Therefore, we often fool ourselves into thinking we can handle these situations on our own, even as they spiral out of control. Unfortunately, this type of attitude keeps us from getting to the root of a problem and starting on a path to resolution.
Don’t major on minors
The overall lavishness of the wedding itself, especially when juxtaposed with the chaotic state of the relationships within and between each family, was also striking. Most estimates put the average cost of an American wedding between $25K-30K, up almost 50% in the last 20 years, yet the average first marriage has a 40%-60% chance of ending in divorce, two and a half times more often than 20 yeas ago.
Put simply, it’s foolish to splurge on a million dollar wedding if you’re only going to have a five-cent marriage. Unfortunately, this is all too common in real life as well. Our culture has become entranced by the phenomenon of big-ticket weddings, with all of their pomp and circumstance, but has comparatively little appetite for the work that is required to build solid relationship foundations. Thankfully there are a number of resources available (e.g., premarital education) for couples who want to strengthen their bonds, but they are only effective if people actually apply what they’ve learned.
Unsurprisingly, Jumping the Broom has had both its fair share of critics and supporters. Some believed that African-American love stories should be told outside of a traditional Christian narrative. Others appreciated the film’s role in debunkingmyths related to marriage in the African-American community. While these, and others, are all useful perspectives, I hope we all take the opportunity to see how the characters on the big screen reflect some of the same issues we face in our own relationships.
BMWK, what’s the most important relationship lesson you learned from watching Jumping the Broom or some other relationship movie?
Let's get it on with relationship coach sadie show. Topic: We're In Love, But We Have Nothing In Common. Chat live or call in 646-233-1302. Let coach sadie help you get your relationship back on track. Join the live experience on www.bks1radio.com